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Friday, February 29, 2008 — It’s a good thing this year had an extra day in it. We don’t know how we’d have managed otherwise. Not that we have things under control here. That will never happen; we’ll always be outnumbered, we’ll always be outgunned. But at least we’ve gotten caught up in a few areas. We’ve resolved our e-mail problem, for one thing. Also, out of the 229 papers we’ve published every fortnight since May 1, 1999, we now have 228 properly filed in the morgue. (February 11, 2000 is the one that’s missing, in case some packrat out there has a copy they …

Read moreOrder Out of Chaos

Saturday, February 23, 2008 — Our latest issue, Volume 252, No. 11, dated February 22, hit the streets yesterday, thanks to our volunteer distribution crew. In their honor (and in lieu of pay) the Lithography Department has immortalized them with this image depicting them luxuriating in our lavishly appointed break room.

Friday, February 8 – It’s a red letter day here at the Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™. We published our latest fortnightly screed, of course, but we do that every other Friday anyway. Here’s what makes today special. See that red arrow up there on the right end of the banner? It’s pointing to a line that says, “First Class U.S. Postage Paid.” We have upgraded our mailing from the dreadfully slow “Pre-Sorted Standard,” right up to top-of-the-line First Class. More on this momentous change later.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008 — “Sen. Hillary Clinton charged on Sunday that Sen. Barack Obama’s campaign has introduced racial tension into their contest for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination,” according to NPR’s All Things Considered. Meanwhile, here in the town where Hillary allegedly triumphed by getting teary-eyed, an unknown culture jammer had his way with Ron Paul, turning the straight-laced, diminutive white Congressman into a towering black drag queen — who played the character Rachel Tensions in a Hollywood movie. The national media appears to have performed a similar transmutation. According to them, it was Clinton’s show of alleged humanity that made the big difference …

Read moreThe Official Version

Wednesday, January 9, 2008 — Well, we held your first in the nation presidential primary. It’s over now. Was it everything you thought it would be? Did you get what you wanted? Are you happy now? Are you satisfied? We don’t suppose anyone cares how we feel … people coming in from all over, causing all sorts of commotion, trampling dirt everywhere, throwing things on the ground, treating this place like a pigsty. Then they all up and leave! Gone! Just like that! How do you think that makes us feel? We’ll tell you how – dirty! Dirty, and used! Fortunately, we like that. Y’all …

Read moreThe Day After

Tuesday, January 8, 2008 — The temperature is about thirty degrees warmer than normal, voter turnout is high — so high there is concern that polling places in some New Hampshire cities may run out of Democratic ballots. The November, 2006 elections were a repudiation of the status quo, and they only dealt with Congress. This one is a chance for voters to express their dissatisfaction with the Executive Branch. Local authorities should be grateful that they don’t have to cope with unruly mobs bearing pitchforks and torches. We got a few odd e-mails this morning making allegations about the integrity of New Hampshire’s voting …

Read moreHot Time in the Old Town